I woke up today and found out I was in Southeast Asia - someplace called Singapore (or was it Shanghai - I know it wasn't Hong Kong) - anyway, I was a-fixin to try out some of the local grub and there - whadda you know - was somethin' like Ol' Swamp's good old pet, right there for dinner. I gots to say that I like pets, but not, well, you know, that way.

Anybody ever seen anything like this before? Don't they know how to treat man's good-old best friend? Can somebody tell me how to get back to Mayberry (or is it Tysonia)? I've got to help Swamp find Mrs. Swamp - she may still be over at that durn Irish pub, and I want to make sure she doesn't fall in "with the wrong crowd" over there.

Swamp, can you help me here? Gol Durn it???

Didn't I tell ya not to go to that part of the world, PM?

They serve cats 'n dawgs and monkeys and giant beetles and sea spiders 'n snake venom and all manner of whatnot. And then they act like it's normal.

I can't imagine what on earth is wrong with those people over there. Why can't they just serve up a nice chili dawg with onions or a bacon cheeseburger and freedom fries the way God intended?

It's just not natural. Anyways, better get home soon, PM. I'ma gonna need yer help lookin' for the missus. I think she done run off again.

I say let's start looking in Otto's. I know we've never found her there before, but the light's better over there - especially if ya stay till closing time when they turn the lights up.