I've been having an interesting discussion (via email, of course, which is how most of my interesting discussions take place these days) with a writer friend of mine. She's newly divorced, with two grade school children, and currently living in Marin County in California. But she's moving to the Chicago area (she grew up in Sycamore, and has family there and in Oak Park) after this school year, to start all over with her children. So she's been asking me my opinion about various communities in the Western Suburbs - Naperville, Geneva, Wheaton, Glen Elly, Oak Park) - about the housing, the schools, anything else I can think of.

And I've come to the conclusion, during these emails, that I can't really recommend moving to Glen Ellyn as a single parent. (Well, Wheaton either, for that matter.)

I'm kind of surprised that I've come to this conclusion -but then again, maybe I'm not. As we've been talking, I've remembered, back when my kids were in the elementary school system, a few instances that give me pause. For example, I remember a neighbor of ours who moved in - a single mother with grade school kids, working outside the home - who, after living here a few months, tearfully confessed to me how much she hated the schools, the PTA and all, because they scheduled so many activities requiring parent involvement - including meetings -during the day time - when no one working outside the home could attend. She felt the very neighborhood nature of the schools - where the kids can walk home for lunch and are even encouraged to - worked against any non-traditional family. And this woman eventually moved away.

Then it occurred to me I didn't know any single mothers raising children here, beyond a couple of formerly long-established couples who divorced, and both parents remained in the area. I know some single women in my neighborhood - but they're all childless. The one single mother I know who has remained in this area long enough for her child to graduate has family here who are long time GE residents, too. Which, of course, my friend will not have.

(I am aware that there are many ESL families living in the apartments in the area where non-traditional families are more prevalent. But as that is not exactly the demographic my friend falls into -after all, moving from Marin County, DuPage County housing is amazingly affordable! - I can't really consider it.)

And as I was relating to my friend some of my own experiences in the school system - and my belief that here (as in many other communities in the Western Suburbs, to tell the truth), parenting could best be described as a competitive sport - I became further and further convinced that, sadly, this is not a community that's very open to non-traditional family units. I have loved raising my children here - but I have often thought that if I were any more different (being a Democrat here is tough enough!) I probably wouldn't have loved it so much. The very things that make this a charming family friendly place - the kids coming home at lunch, the really extraordinary number of women not working outside the home while raising families - also, alas, make me not want to recommend Glen Ellyn for my friend. (There's also the political aspect - again, living where she currently does, she said she probably only knows 5 Republicans, and my friend is a very politically active, opinionated woman.)

Anyway, I thought this was an interesting, yet disappointing, conclusion to come to, for me, anyway. And I was wondering if any of you have similar thoughts? Or if I'm being too hard on Glen Ellyn?

Great questions. Great discussion.

Glen Ellyn has by and large been a great place to live mainly because of most of the people that I have met. But it is a town with so many issues, so many problems. Just like any other town. The schools are good to better than good. Not necessarily a compliment. Local government is as ineffective and incompetent as any other small town. Physical condition of the town is crumbling and living in the past. And I can see what you are saying about being an outsider as well as a single parent. I've said before that I would have a hard time recommending Glen Ellyn over St. Charles, Geneva, Naperville, etc. But in hindsight all of those towns have the same issues and personalities as this one. They are like Lego blocks. . . interchangeable.

I will not be growing old here. Once the littlest Clam is out of the house, the for sale sign is going up. If she can wait 10 or 12 years, perhaps I can cut her a deal on my house.

I think the safety of Glen Ellyn's neighborhoods make it a good choice. I would highly recommend that she look into the Churchill and Lincoln areas. These schools are very diversified. However I would suggest that her house definitely be within walking distance of Glenbard West and south of Geneva.

Are single moms any more out of the loop than working mothers? I know quite a few working moms and single moms who are doing fine in GE and Wheaton. We sometimes laugh at how out of the loop we are with the "beautiful people" many of us are scout leaders and volunteer in at the schools for evening events. I don't think my kids have been damaged by my inability to be visible at school because I work outside the home. I have found ways to be involved in school as much as my schedule allows just like any other working parent. I think that these problems exist no matter where you are- It has been comforting for me to know as a working parent that when my kids were walking home from school there would be a host of moms walking too- When my youngest was in 4th grade I let her walk home alone- her older sister got home around the same time and I got home 15 minutes after her- living in a community where there are responsible parents around made me not worry as much about that short time that there wasn't an adult at my house.
The western burbs including Glen Ellyn and Wheaton are great places to live- you just have to understand the social dynamics of the community.
I would suggest to your friend that she should really think about the commute time to her job when looking at places to live. I have found it quite beneficial being able to get to a sick kid or get home after work in 15 minutes or less.

Scotty-
I moved from Forest Glen to Churchill so can reflect on both schools as a working parent. Forest Glen was great for me because I could use Adventure time (the latch key program run through the park district) both before and after school. At Churchill it was only available after school...My daughter had to walk over a mile to school no matter what the weather because of my work schedule. I did call neighbors a few times when it was bitter cold and asked for rides but did not like to do this because I could not take turns carpooling. In fifth grade many days I dropped my patrol off on my way to work- she got there a few minutes early and I was darting in last minute but it worked for us. I will say that living south of Geneva has it's benefits. My freshman can walk home if she chooses (even though we are in a bus zone). I don't think I would have felt ok with that if we still lived behind Ki's.

Ditto what MrsSpeech said about commute. If I were a single parent, I'd want to live as close to work as possible. You said she's a writer, so perhaps she works out of her home and this point is moot.

FWIW, Churchill's PTA meetings are at night and Lincolns are too.

Also, my wife reports that there are quite a number of single Moms on our block. I know of one two houses away and my old neighbor was one, until she pulled a Clam and moved after the kids graduated. So maybe the single mother ratio is a bit higher in the shadier parts of town where I live (YMCA District).

Clam, I would argue that Naperville, viewed as a whole, is much different than GE. Maybe if you confined yourself to the "old" part of Naperville, the comparison would be more true. But Naperville is too big and the majority of it is designed around the automobile.

I highly value diversity and think that schools that have it tend to give students a better look at society in general. Lincoln and Churchill have many many families that are of a very high socio-economic level as well as those who stuggle.

When I think of diversity, I don't automatically think of Glen Ellyn. Seriously - how can anyone? Not even in the Churchill area. This is one of the least diverse areas I have ever lived, which has always been a struggle for me as a parent. I worked registration at Glenbard West this year and remember thinking how white this place still is.

According to Mrs. Speechlady, it sounds like things may have changed a bit since my neighbor moved away. I don't know, though - I still don't think this is an area I'd want to move into as a single parent with no family already established here. I'm thinking Oak Park might be better for her and her children, based on what they've known in the San Francisco area. Just more diversity, culturally and politically speaking also. And I definitely was honest with her about our school system - it's fine, but it's not stellar, so don't listen to what the realtors say! I actually told her that if she does look at GE, to look on the south side of Roosevelt.

Re: Diversity. About 5-6 years ago I was plotting my return to Illinois. At the same time, my best friend was also moving back to Illinois from the East Coast. We decided to try and move to the same suburb so we could be close, drink beer, etc. Now diversity was THE issue for my friends wife. She really really had to have a diverse neighborhood. So, my buddy and I began to break down census data suburb by suburb. We soon found what most people already know - the Chicago metro area isn't diverse.

At least in terms of black and white. Which, funnily enough, was the only diversity that mattered to my friends wife (hispanics and asians didn't count, apparently). So in the end, there were only a couple realistic choices, Evanston, Oak Park, and Aurora. The other possibilities (Maywood, etc.) were excluded for obvious reasons. I took Evanston off the list because it takes forever to get there from anywhere (Clam will now respond). Which left Oak Park (my buddy eliminated Aurora cause its in "the boonies"). One look at the Ike knocked Oak Park off the list for me. For those following the story, my buddy wound up in the Irving Park neighborhood and eventually in Oak Park. Not too surprising, however, since they are Fish-rich, their actual neighborhood in Oak Park is not exactly a paragon of diversity. And their kids go to private school.

I guess the short story here is that finding real diversity is extremely unlikely in the Western burbs. You have to live on the "fringe" between black/white neighborhoods. Which means that in a decade or so, the fringe will move one way or the other and you'll be monochrome again.

What a lovely discussion on MLK day!

quote:

Originally posted by scribbler:
And I definitely was honest with her about our school system - it's fine, but it's not stellar, so don't listen to what the realtors say! I actually told her that if she does look at GE, to look on the south side of Roosevelt.

I concur, many more opportunities for drinking parties and they are better publicized (after the fact) on the internet.

Scribbler,

You make a great point about the diversity issue. The grade schools and junior high have very little diversity. I would guess that 90%+ of the families that feed into Glen Ellyn schools are from the same socioeconomic backgrounds. This percentages would be higher in district 41 vs. 89. Glenbard West is much more diverse of course, really two schools in one. This is due to the representation of Glendale Heights at Glenbard West, a much more diverse community.

There is a ton of parental involvement in the schools in Glen Ellyn, and while some working moms seemed to make it work (ie mrsspechlady)it can be challenging.

It would also be difficult for the divorced parent to meet people from a dating/partner standpoint in Glen Ellyn. There wouldn't be much of population of people to choose from.

So in my opinion if this person were looking at various communities, I would recommend something more diverse, with perhaps in closer proximity to Chicago, such as Oak Park or Evanston. Glen Ellyn is a beautiful community and still has so much to offer, they just may not have a ton in common with the people around them.

middlein87

Great comments as well, I didn't see yours until after I replied to Scribbler, but you make a great point, diversity is pretty tough to find in the burbs with the exception of a few communities that border Chicago. Elgin, Aurora, and Joliet have much diversity, but little else to offer, especially from an aesthetics standpoint.

Evanston was an area she mentioned but I think she ruled it out because it's just so much more expensive and also, too frickin' hard to get to from anywhere, especially since her parents live further west.

Also agree about the hardship of finding eligible men around here - although she didn't mention that at all; her divorce is still very new. But given that the only adults we know in GE are coupled, I can imagine it would be very hard to socialize as a single of a certain age.

Thanks Blue Echoes! I guess my 90% rule was pretty accurate.

Darn, I put the wrong link up. I wanted to put the overall information link up, not just race:

http://factfinder.census.gov/servlet/SAFFPeople?_event=..._keyword=&_industry=

This will give you more information on all other Census information.

of course, this does not show true Diversity. Diversity would include many more variables.

quote:

Originally posted by scribbler:
Evanston was an area she mentioned but I think she ruled it out because it's just so much more expensive and also, too frickin' hard to get to from anywhere, especially since her parents live further west.

Also agree about the hardship of finding eligible men around here - although she didn't mention that at all; her divorce is still very new. But given that the only adults we know in GE are coupled, I can imagine it would be very hard to socialize as a single of a certain age.

The gun play in Evanston can't be ignored. I lived there for years and years and I can guarantee that the number of kids killed by gang activity in Glen Ellyn, probably a big fat zero, versus those killed in Evanston (Church and Dodge...dangerous intersection) would tip the scales to GE, IMO. The second reason we "settled" for GE over north Evanston/south Wilmette was that I had become tired of walking the dog and wondering who was behind me (top reason...couldn't find anything that we could afford that we liked). We left during a particularly turbulent period. Hard to love a town all that much when it is bordered by Howard Street. IMO, it has never been a good thing to live near $1.50 transportation. The cars and garages of Evanston have been victims of out-of-towners for decades.

quote:

Originally posted by middlein87:

Also, my wife reports that there are quite a number of single Moms on our block. I know of one two houses away and my old neighbor was one, until she pulled a Clam and moved after the kids graduated. So maybe the single mother ratio is a bit higher in the shadier parts of town where I live (YMCA District).

I think we are on the same block (near YMCA). Within a 2 house radius of us, there are 4 divorced moms and 1 divorced dad. My wife keeps asking me when I am going to divorce her so she can fit in...

quote:

Originally posted by Dan the Man:


I think we are on the same block (near YMCA). Within a 2 house radius of us, there are 4 divorced moms and 1 divorced dad. My wife keeps asking me when I am going to divorce her so she can fit in...

I'm a few blocks over.

I wonder how the divorced dad can afford to live in GE?

So, scribbler. It looks like your friend CAN fit in here. She'll just have to beat out all the other divorced women to the unattached men.